I have given yesterday a lot of thought. I have not spoken to anybody but my mind has not stopped screaming for a second. I have so many new worries. My appointment is Tuesday. It is Friday already. When I left the hospital yesterday, I felt hurt for not getting the help that I was praying for. I was clearly imagining my appointment to be with a Fairy Godmother, a magic wand and a wish. The last thing that I was expecting was to be told that I had been directed down the wrong path. Another brick wall!
I am worried that on Tuesday, I have to start all over again. I have to answer the same questions, tell the same stories and believe the same bullshit about how there is help out there for me. I am beginning to believe that I will be let down much more over the coming months; Nothing is ever simple and straight forward; not when it comes to me.
I imagine this weekend is going to last forever. I do not want to think anymore. I would give anything to get away for a day. I would give anything to sleep until Tuesday morning, or even better… Wednesday!
My heart tells me that I cannot turn back; to keep on keeping on and to get the support that I need. My head tells me different. The voices scream loudly, “STUPID!”
So, that is all I can add at the moment. That is as long as I can hold my concentration. I guess the brick wall is staying put… For now.