I have had a better day today. I am still laid up with flu, but I have had a clearer mind and I have not thought so much about things that normally bring me down. I thought this may be a better time to post as I am usually quite upset when I am writing.
I still have not spoken to anybody about me running away from the dietician. I feel ok about that. It has given me time for things to ‘sink in’ a little. My biggest worry is that if I was speechless on Friday, how am I going to manage to talk about my problems to the Psychologist. I have qualifications in Counselling and I have had sessions with Psychiatrists in the past, but I do not know if Psychology involves the same methods. I also only attended my Psychiatrist appointments twice so I do not know what the outcome would be. Do they do the talking. Does it involve hypnosis? Will it be as painful every time, to have to un-open those wounds all over again and expose my deepest darkest secrets to a complete stranger?
I have not eaten properly for days. So far, if anything, all this waiting is making things worse. Sometimes I catch myself wondering if I need to lose more weight to be taken seriously. The worry is affecting my appetite mostly.
I will post more when I calm down. I have worked myself up a little.