I did it!
My first appointment with the Psychologist was nothing as I had imagined. It was very informal and my partner came into the room with me. The Psychologist was very laid-back and friendly. She was waiting for me when I arrived and she gave me a very warm welcome. My nerves were so bad that my head was noticeably shaking; my mouth was dry, my hands fidgeted and my head pounded. On her desk was a pouch of tobacco, a cigarette rolling machine and a lighter, which immediately made me realise that she is human. The room in which I had my assessment was light and airy and the three of us sat around a table in a circle.
She asked me questions on my eating habits, my anxiety, my thoughts, my past and what I would like to get out of the support that they offer within the unit. The questions were brief, so I did not have to go into too much detail. She explained that she has spoken the Occupational Therapist who had referred me and to the dietician whom I saw last week, so she knew the details of the questions that I had already answered. I found that I could speak with the Psychologist much easier than the Occupational Therapist and the Dietician. She laughed at her light jokes and so did I, which took my mind off reading everything that she was writing down in her notes.
After just half hour, she told me of the help, which was available. I will be regularly seeing a Psychologist one-to-one in the same unit, where they will help me try to distinguish the reason of my thoughts, I will receive help with my agoraphobia, I will receive counselling, group therapy is available to me and she is referring me to the Eating Disorder Clinic. I told her that I am not ready for group therapy, as my social anxiety will probably stop me from attending. She seemed to understand and assured me that I will not be pushed into anything that I am not comfortable with.
I am more relieved than I can find words for. After almost 20 years of feeling the way a do, today somebody seemed to really understand. I now have to motivate myself into attending the appointments as I find schedules very difficult due to social anxieties, but I know that there are people who can help me and that has put my worries to rest for the meanwhile.